I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
