I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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