she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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