I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize