I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
