I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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