sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm really busy with my period
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