When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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