you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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