Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
