let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
