Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
NoShamevember. You game?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
