I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
