god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
