dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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