dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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