Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
