He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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