brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
