Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
