Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
