If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize