It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
