When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
