i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
