There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
