i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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