Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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