Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
