Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I love having hate sex.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
