I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
