i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
