I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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