I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
