Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
