True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
