You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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