I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize