just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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