She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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