You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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