I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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