does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
