quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I can't put those talents on a resume
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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