Non-Jews are for practice
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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