doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
