he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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