omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
