So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
