but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
