I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
