If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my sisters under your porch take her home
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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