i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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