Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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