i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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