dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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