Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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