Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
