...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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