3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
