shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
