Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
