I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
