my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I pour the whiskey from now on
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
