i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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