His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
