He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
