DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
