Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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